So first of all, well done you for at least thinking about ways to improve a relationship – so many of us just throw in the towel nowadays once it gets to feel a bit like hard work – when the novelty has gone, their little quirks annoy you, and you’ve figured you actually WON’T be able to change all things things about them you thought were changeable when you first got together.
Improve a Relationship that Sucks: Workouts
The thing is, relationships need very little work to begin with, it all comes so easily. Everthing is new and exciting, so we get ‘out-of-shape’ at putting any work into it – in fitness terms, it’s like we sit on our asses for months/years eating junk food, not running the length of ourselves, and then suddenly we need to sprint for a bus. And it’s suddenly so hard…
But just as running becomes easier the more we train, so does finding ways to improve a relationship. Once we put in the hard work for a while, that’s it, we’re ‘fit’ and just need a bit of maintenance from time to time to stay that way. So, just to squeeze this fitness analogy for all it’s worth, here are a few ‘workouts’ to improve a relationship:
You can’t improve a relationship without actually talking with your partner about the state of things. You are not Yoda with your Jedi Mind tricks. You need to call a spade a spade – you both need to admit that the relationship isn’t going well, and commit to fixing it. You both need to be honest about what you feel has gotten you both to this point, and don’t let World War 3 break out during this discussion!
We all change as we get older, and as a relationship gets older too. You may look at your partner and realize you hardly know them any more. And I’m sure you’ve changed too since you both got together. Well, how about committing to finding out who your partner is NOW? What do they like doing? What music are they into? What travel dreams do they have? What career plans do they have? We all change and grow, and to really improve a relationship as you go along, you need to be open to accepting what your partner has become over the years.
My wife and I dated a lot when we first got together, like a few times a week. Movies, going for drinks/dinner, cosy night-in, games nights – that was then. Now though, I can count on one hand the number of dates we’ve had this year. Sure, we can blame kids, other priorities, etc but really, it’s just been laziness – we, like you and your partner, need to find the time to date. Have it in your diaries as an unbreakable appointment. We all need time together, preferably out of the house, to spend time and relax together. To improve a relationship, it’s that sense of excitement and newness that came so easily at the start, that we need to get back again. So we’re out this Friday, all of us, right?
So many arguments start because of dumb things – the way your partner tidied something up, that se visited adultfrienedfinder app login, the ‘tone’ he/she used a minute ago, the way they took too long in the bathroom the other day… now I’m not saying that we should all become door-mats and allow our partners to walk all over us. But I AM saying, let the small stuff slide sometimes. If your partner is showing you in a lot of other ways that they DO love you, then stop linking dumb things like house-chores to how they feel about you. Stop allowing a whole evening to be ruined because you didn’t stop yourself snapping that they got the wrong brand of detergent/beer/cookies. Let. It. Slide.