Better Partner Choices

As a single person you have many choices when it comes to choosing dating partners and, ultimately, a mate. Here is one question you should ask yourself when you are choosing whom to date: Do you choose someone who can help you grow, or someone whom you will have to […]

As a single person you have many choices when it comes to choosing dating partners and, ultimately, a mate. Here is one question you should ask yourself when you are choosing whom to date: Do you choose someone who can help you grow, or someone whom you will have to work on changing?

Many singles will openly admit that it initially feels better to be in any relationship, than in no relationship at all. This is especially true if the sparks are flying

In that light, many singles searching at adultfrinendfinder dating site end up not being picky enough, not waiting long enough to match up with someone who will be right for them. Instead they go for Mr or Ms Right-Now. This is fine  for a time.

That is, until one or the other person starts to feel the desire to get more serious. That is when all of the incompatibilities surface, and when people start blaming each other for the incompatibilities and start trying to change each other.

If this doesn’t sound bad to you, read today’s article for people in relationships, below, to see how difficult it is to get another person to change.

Instead, how about choosing someone who can fit well with you? It’s not that the two of you need to be twins. But choosing someone you don’t have to change, whom you are ok with as he or she is now, will help you end up in a longer-term, healthier, happier relationship.

How do you choose partners better? Figure out what’s absolutely critical for you to have in a partner in order to be happy. Then discern whether the person you are dating or are attracted to has the critical traits you need in a partner.

How to Affect Change in Your Relationship

You are in a relationship and your partner is doing something that bugs you. He or she is doing it repeatedly, and it’s upsetting, perhaps making you feel unloved. You ask for change. Here is what you might expect in response:

No Change

Your partner may reject your request as invalid, either denying the behavior exists or denying that change is needed. Your partner did not hear you. If the change is important, continue the conversation with patience and energy, until your partner starts to pay attention.

The Un-Change

Your partner does a milder version of the behavior. If you complain he or she will say, “I changed! You’re just never satisfied!” Your partner has not really understood the situation and how it affects you. More conversation will be needed until your partner understands how the behavior affects you.

Camouflage Change

Your partner stops doing the behavior…in your presence. The behavior still affects you, but your partner does not understand this. You guessed it – more conversation is in order.

‘Whatever’ Change

Your partner agrees quickly to make the change, saying something like, “Sure, honey, whatever you want.” He or she may intend to change behavior according to your concerns, but thinks it’s a whim of yours. As a result, the change will be erratic – sometimes remembered, sometimes forgotten, often laughed off, which will make you feel bad. More conversation will be needed for your partner to understand your needs and concerns.

Ah-ha! Change – this is the one you wanted all along!

Your partner will hear your concerns, will express regret that he or she has hurt you without meaning to, and will undertake to make changes. Your partner wants to be pleasing and respectful toward you. It may take a while for the partner to move into a new pattern of behavior, but he or she will get there and you both will be happier for it.

Ah-ha! change feeds a relationship and helps it grow, while all other kinds of change, or even silence on your part, slowly erode the love in a relationship.

How do you get to the Ah-ha! change faster and better? Master the art of communication in your relationship.

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